Heroin Monkey on Your Back

Here’s a `Money-Back Warranty’, sort-of, when it comes to anyone abusing opiates in drugs derived from the poppy plant – opium, morphine and heroin: s/he will get into all sorts of problems and troubles within 12 months; 100% guaranteed… you can bet your house on it.

I hope you folks won’t mind too much that cocksure declaration. But this is something from my own experiences, observation of others plus various levels of research over the years. It may not be academic and have scientific rigour, or sanctioned by any relevant bodies.

But I’ve been there – I’ve been in that situation where one’s mind and body are under the control of a powerful and evil master called drug addiction… `penagihan dadah’ – a phrase that strikes fear in the hearts of parents, families and communities. Addiction generally means “lives moving towards destruction”; and “families traumatised, in misery, their present and future threatened”.

Just what is it that makes heroin addiction such a deadly enemy? Note that I have taken care to stress that the real problem is not heroin but the addiction. Some of you might be confused with this – “Why not villify heroin too, for isn’t it the same?”

No, the real problem isn’t the substance – it’s people who use them. Do we villify bacteria? No, because it brings good results too. Heroin – or diacetylmorphine – is favoured by many doctors as the prefered medication to help bring relief to someone in severe pain.

The problem are those people who abused it – myself included, of course. And this is part of the reason why I’m writing this particular post: hoping that the information and perspectives gained over the years might help readers “to understand better”. Maybe he has family members or subordinates who are addicted; and he’ll be in that same situation as thousands of others who, despite trying this and that to help, will see the affected person slide ever deeper into the morass of addiction.

[By the way, I was writing a different post – a fourth anniversary of my arrest and time in prison. Then I hit an emotional roadblock – a few actually. Despite discussing it with a few trusted advisors, I still couldn’t continue. That means “It’s not the right time yet”, so I’ll write about something else – this one]

I was first addicted to heroin during Form Five of 1976 (See last October’s post of The powder of joy. There was something after that but I can’t remember what month it was). Within three years, I was to see the insides of a mental ward, registration at two rehabilitation centres, the insides of three police stations and lockups, plus a prison too. And I hadn’t reached my 19th birthday yet…

CAPTION: From Phrases.org.uk – “monkey on [one’s] back”: Drug addiction, considered as a financial, physical, mental, and moral responsibility; the drug habit; lit., a strong addiction that one spends most of one’s energy to support. –Common addict use, now universally known.

The problem with drugs – and especially heroin, which is the most potent of all – is its addictive nature. It grips you mentally and physically – if you don’t take x amount after k hours since the last dose, the withdrawal process starts.

First, it’s just a feeling of tiredness while being irritable; and you’re not in the mood for anything else. This will get progressively worse until you reach a state where you can’t think of anything else. Your mind – and aching body – want only heroin… only heroin and nothing else will do! (See this scientific and technical information: What is Heroin?)

One of the things that I’m grateful for is that I did not neglect my preparation for the MCE. But my performance during the examinations in November was affected somewhat. There were a couple of mornings when I couldn’t get a dose of fit before I went into the examination hall (spiked in a Lucky Strike cigarette, with the paper kept moist to slow down the burn rate). And one of that was during the English Language paper – something that I – and my teacher and friends – had targeted for the perfect score of A1. I hope this doesn’t sound boastful, but it was something within my capability.

I was in slight withdrawal when the paper started; cursing the guy tasked to `adjust’ the stuff for four of us (He had gone to the pusher’s on my motorbike – a secondhand Yamaha LS3 100cc). He was delayed, and only arrived 10 minutes after the paper had started. He nodded at me and touched his shirt pocket – the heroin’s there. But it had to be after the paper…

I was quite uneasy with writing the essays. The topics were okay (but I can’t remember what they were). However, I wasn’t happy with “the flow”. And it was maddening that my mind wasn’t fully on improving the essays – it was also thinking about the heroin in my friend’s pocket. Later, we learned why he was delayed – there were “strange people” (possibly detectives from out of town) hanging around in the vicinity, so the pusher had refused to sell.

Then the MCE results were announced about four months later. In my class (the last class), only two had obtained Grade 1 – and I was one of them, despite an F9 (Failed) in Mathematics which I had zero interest in. I and my family were happy with the distinctions (A’s): Bahasa Malaysia, History, Literature, Religious Studies. But it was bitter-sweet, for I obtained `only’ C3 for English. Suffering from withdrawal had definitely been costly. Two students from the top class – both of whom I had beaten during the trial exam – obtained A1…

I realised that Form Six was going to be a lonely affair – all my friends failed to qualify. There was an influx of new faces in the school – students from elsewhere who had excelled in the MCE and `were rewarded’ with a place at the premier Sultan Abdul Hamid College. And for the first time in my life, I was in a class that also had girls!

I had a lot of difficulties adjusting to life in Form Six. Actually, I never did. Without the comfort and security of having my Form Five friends, the Form Six block felt alien. During Lower Six, I never once spoke to any of the girls – what was there to talk about?

And I had only scorn and disdain for one particular boy who kept attempting to merhenyih (the people from the North know this term) with the prettiest girl in my class – Insun was her name. Maybe Sherry Nor-Jannah might retort with a Ni kes jeles kot?” Haha! NO, I just hate fakes. And I should know about this boy – we were in the same class for four years in primary school.

As an aside, there’s this thing that I should add despite it not really being too relevant to this post: about the “SAHC Prettiest Girl”. Four years later, in 1982 at a secondary school in Pasir Mas, I saw the Form Six girls for the first time. My mind immediately went back to this Insun – the `average’ (quite many of them) in this Pasir Mas school were already prettier than her. Sorry, Insun… and SAHC. And to the readers too: Not being sexist or what, but just stating a fact.

Anyway, during Lower Six from May 1977, I was just dazed and confused. The new environment was one of the reasons. But there was something a lot bigger – I was well and truly hooked to heroin. By that time, a large part of my time and energy were chanelled towards finding the wherewithal to obtain heroin.

It was a taxing situation to be in. I didn’t want to be using every single day, but with heroin the choice isn’t yours. When you’re addicted to it, you do its biddings… no two ways about it. Unless you want to suffer the excruciating withdrawal, of course. So if heroin says “Jump”, your response is “How high? I’ll do so now…”

It wasn’t a sustainable or tolerable situation for me but I just didn’t know what to do. I had acted cool; that things were A-okay. My elder sister was doing a medical degree overseas… the pride of the family and clan. And pretty soon, her younger brother would most probably be in England to study Law, and then return to also enter politics and work towards becoming an elected representative… that was what the father had voiced out hopefully a few times.

This only son, since Form Three, actually wanted to be a journalist and writer. But at that moment, there were other, more crucial things to face. Quite unknown to most people, he was in reality just a confused and perplexed teenager who was about to see how the vicious power of addiction was going to crush and mangle him, and dissolve all those high hopes placed upon his unworthy shoulders.

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37 thoughts on “Heroin Monkey on Your Back

  1. All praise is due to Allah swt alone, may He send salutations and exalt the mention of the seal of all Prophets and Messengers, our Prophet Muhammad saw, his family and all his companions.

    I concur, addiction is a dangerous epidemic and a destructive adversity that catches many people in its trap.

    If you ask any addict why s/he take drugs, you would received many different answers. Some of them take drugs when they need relief from depression while others take drugs to ease the stress of estrangement from their families. Some people take drugs with friends to have fun, while others take it to rid themselves of worry and anger.

    There are those who imitate those whom they admire, or perhaps because they have been doing it from a young age and cannot stop. Believe me you will even find those who say, “I take drugs because it is useful and I do not believe it is prohibited.”

    Once upon a time, I had this friend. Many years my junior. Smart kid who scored a First Grade for his SPM. Despite all that, he lacked faith in himself. Whenever he speak (which was seldom), he could never looked at you straight into your eyes!

    To counter his deficiencies, he took a short way by taking drugs. Only then after a few puffs from his cigarette which was spiked with heroin, will he regain a grain of confident. Not much, but at least he can looked into your eyes whenever he opened his mouth to speak!

    I used to pity him and maybe a little hard on him. I told him, he will only be destroying himself if he go on taking drugs the way he does. Furthermore, I shall not always be there for him but he said he just cannot quit taking drugs. He felt he cannot go on living without drugs!

    I really pity him. Hopefully he is still alive and well.

    • Thanks for coming and leaving a comment.
      There’s something that I’ve been thinking about quite often when writing this post: the `gian’ (withdrawal)… I can’t remember what it was like anymore. No wonder people can’t understand why addicts do what they did – even I can’t feel that compulsion and obsession that had led me into doing the things that I now cringe when I remember them.

      About that guy above – perhaps Pusat might be a good thing for him, as it was for us. Prior to being sent there in Nov 2005, I had become like him – I couldn’t talk with others too. But the confidence gradually came back; and I thank Pusat Serenti Gambang for that.

  2. Howdy Mat,

    Gee,,,this my 3rd reply that hopefully will not get lost when I press send !!..so much was written (previously) but lepas berbuka ini perut putting brains to rest hahaha !
    Yes, am back after spending ‘time of my life’ onboard the island and crewing/leading the mothership as well as being KapasPirateKing !
    Been busy too, recreating/up-grading The Capt’s Longhouse, and she is in perfect shipshape condition right now Yooo!!.

    Being also a half-way house, am aware of plus can see the monkey on the back often !! BUT one must be strong to face it.
    RESPECT of the individual by himself plus others MUST be maintained at all times.
    AS for me I face it directly and will talk eye to eye to get my message ini correctly or to kill the issue at its bud !. ZERO into the actual subject issue and LISTEN it out ??.

    Anyhow, Mat…you are doing great !. Sorry for not writing in much earlier but but but are never enough hahaha. Just be happy with life and do our best in everything we touch.(that’s my spirit with work)

    Just came back from K.L. and met my very aged father after almost 8 months from the last. Something about “Father/Son” relationship plus bonding…very touching yet hard to express yaa !!. This BOND will last forever and ever Mat…your sons are your sons !!.

    Do drop in to Kapas one of these days yaa ??……..we have lots to talk about, am dead sure about it hohohoo .


    • Capt, I’ll come back later with a better reply – have to handle this urgent work hanging around my neck.

      I’ve had comments disappearing too – both at WordPress and Blogspot. And I know how that feels like. So now I’d do this: Before clicking on the “Submit” or “Send” button, I’ll do a Ctrl-A for Select All and Ctrl-C for Copy. This way, what I’ve written is in the system’s memory.

  3. just for the month of Ramadhan………Follow you the inspiration sent you and be patient and constant, till Allah does deside; for He is the BEST to decide. Surah [10] Yunus 109


  4. Mat, yes indeed I now do copy my comments too but at times still do forget !! dah tua ini kuat terlupa hahaha.
    About reality check, its mind over matter which you have succeeded to as such can come out clean again !!. One has to be strong minded and be focus in life for success, be no.1 at all times, be the best everytime yoo !!. Keep up the spirit, trust in oneself and in Allah ‘swt’
    For those who believes and do righteous deeds are Gardens as hospitable homes, for their (good) deeds. Surah [32] Al-Saidah 19.


    • I still haven’t written a decent reply to the first comment and now there’s another. It makes me feel bad, but I can’t leave this work yet. So I’ll just acknowledge receiving it:-) I’ve still not completed the work yet, and I’m really tired. But I’m going to continue until I fall asleep at the desk – at least I’ll know that “I did my level best”.

  5. Mat, you have indeed replied !!

    …its very good ya no need to write any decent essay lah hahaha…at times its better work deliverables after a good sleep too yaa !!…..am not the sleeping type either and stays awake the whole nite long writing some papers but it keeps me going on n on until sunrise which not many has the opportunity to appreciate,,,,its island living at its best if i can say so-lah hehehe,,,,,,,,city folks eat your hearts out hehehe.!!
    Take it easy buddy…..lifes goes on for better or for worse, we should always give our BEST. ….and you got that spirit right,,,,,,,no worries !!
    if this the 3rd is going to make it worst, don’t worry about it…..i can understand.
    HOWEVER, when am back writing to someone, i tend to continue for awhile at it, its my style….communicate to the max. with added value plus win/win.
    am here JUST to listen and support your efforts….nothing hidden plus with no specific agenda, just brotherly feeling, someone there kind of yaa !!.
    i have indeed and still is facing many challenges too, however i make it as interesting as possible and to benefit everyone i.e. giving as much as i can for just plain goodness n humanity sake.
    if you are tired Mat, take a break….take a walk, watch the world go round, observe the activities others are doing too.
    Survival is not a game, its serious business in this dog eat dog environment yaa…the reality of living life.
    its our children’s future that counts, as fathers we are responsible to lead them right, hold their hands, guide them on track no matter how old they are !! Geeee..my daughters are 33 and 30 years old plus son just 16 but to both my wife and meself they are till our babies !!. still needing tender loving care at all times….any time for that matter-lah. ……yes we loves them forever.
    when it comes to work, i normally hold on to a process, without which i might stray away from its objective.

    As an Strategist/Planner this simple process works for me every time ;
    [ Define & Select, Act, Execute, Operate, REVIEW !!].,,,,,just 5 x simple steps.

    eerrr,,, perhaps to Try it out Mat ??…it will keep you on track and in phase accordingly… mind you, if one were to jump all over the subject issue, it will never conclude/end-lah.

    HOWEVER, if you face a problem, pls use this process ; CLEAR

    C ; Check Out
    L ; Look Out

    ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the above 2 x steps would identify the main or key issue to focus on !!

    E ; Evaluate Options
    A ; Act
    R ; Review

    ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,these 3 x steps are the SOLUTION to the key issue identified above !!

    I trust the 2 x processes would assist you in your work…….o.k. buddy ??.

  6. Just finished helping a friend with her Blogger’s template. She want to put up a Menubar plus a few minor details for her blog.

    For those who understand a little bit of HTML and CSS it can be done in a few minutes, but it took me a few hours holding her hand to go thru’ the procedure step by step until she got her Menubar the way she wants it.

    Though it’s a bit tiring, but all that was forgotten the minute her Menubar was created for the www to see.

    At the end of it, I could see her smiling gleefully and profusely thanking me for a job well done. Actually, I didn’t do anything except for just being there for her on the sideline.

    What I’m trying to say is that if you do something that you love/like, you won’t feel anything even though it is now past four in the morning, ;-)

    Ms. Jolie will wake up in a moment to prepare sahur and I’m sure she gonna shake her head and tsk tsk tsk me when she see me still wide awake in front of my PC.

    Anyway, selamat bersahur Bro. And you don’t have to reply this…

    • Was still awake when Capt’s message at 3:34AM was in, and I had to restrain myself from taking a rest to write here. But I must have dozed off when yours came in.

      Woke up at 5:35AM – too late to rush over to my in-laws’ house for Sahur.So had to grab what’s around – two slices of bread and peanut butter with a bit of sugar sprinkled on top, teh-o, and `pusat/lockup/jail-style’ tobacco rolled with newspaper.

      A simple sahur? No, it’s “luxurious”… compared to prison and lockup – won’t find peanut butter at either; and the tobacco mentioned is definitely not guaranteed. Not even one puff. Seen in this light, the sahur just now is excellent.

      Have to continue with work. Okay, in case people are wondering what’s on my mind, it’s this: To be completed before office opens at 9AM – Two writeups about college students’ visits to KL and Melaka… Editing three articles of 700 words. Will I make it? Have to.

      • Talking about tobacco rolled with newspaper, I got a confession to make. Up till now I still can’t make a decent roll.

        Regardless, I could still roll a short one for my own use but most of the time it will be still unhisapable, lol!

        Remember when we were to be served kanji for breakfast? I was sooo into it that after my released from prison I tried to cook kanji but it can never taste the same.

        I did asked a few friends who worked as cookie while in prison and I came out with a few theories why it can never taste the same?

        The way I see it, in prison we were sooo short of food. No matter how it was cooked, we appreciate and grateful for every bit of food served to us. Until now, it has become my habit never to waste any food and bersyukur for it no matter how it tasted. Yeah, I gotta admit, everyday is a luxury for me.

        Unlike prison, in pusat we were served six times daily, So much so it has become a waste. It sadden me to see a piece of bread (usually the kepala) has been crafted turning it to become an ashtry!

        Even so there are some who used to go to every rooms and collected the extra foods and gave it to our brothers-in-arm (kihkihkih!) who were still in detox.

        Anyway, thanks for remembering those days. Two slices of bread is always a luxury to those who have gone thru’ the hungry days (and survive)!

    • Your message here – I had seen it in the Inbox. An hour later, the laptop froze, and it was like this for the whole of Friday. Had tried to fix it but it kept freezing and I had to reboot each time. Yesterday – I decided to rest and only attempted to fix it after Maghrib. It’s still problematic.
      At that moment, I was desperately trying to get the laptop to work again.

      [Managed to paste the reply to Mat Kedah. Hope the connection holds until I can get this through too. My heart is thumping due to the sheer suspense of whether I’ll be seeing the dreaded blue screen any moment now…]

      • I think I’ve solved the problems. The crashes when connected to teh Internet were due to conflicts between the Zone Alarm firewall that I use and a driver from PC Tools firewall.

        I use only ZA, but an old installation of the PCT firewall was still attaching itself to the USB modem. So, it was like a situation of having two security guards – one at the gate and the other at the front door. There will be times when one says “Stop him!” and the other says “No need”… and Windows decided to pull the plug on both. With the old driver disabled, the connection and laptop are still going strong after 6 hours.

  7. Hi Mat,whats up bro,I am also from SAHC class of 75,last class 5J.Our class also is filled with drugs abuser about 3/4 actually(maybe you can remember one of our senior Aidil Bakeri).I also experimented with drugs in later years(after I left school)but thanks God I managed to get over the addiction.I know what you have gone thru.Anyway I like to congratulate you for being able to overcome your addiction.Anyway how come you were studying in Alor Setar since you are from Kelantan.

    • Salam MAT KEDAH,
      Thanks for dropping in, and in leaving a comment. And receiving something from a fellow student at SAHC is something worth noting in my personal “Hari Ini Dalam Sejarah! Firstly, sorry for not replying immediately – my laptop went haywire early Friday morning. That’s also the reason why I haven’t replied to Capt and Arahman. It would have been no big deal since there’s System Restore, right?…Yes, except all the entries were somehow deleted. I only managed to get it to work again on Saturday night. But I’m not out of the woods yet for it would crash when I connect to the Internet. I’m typing this on a text editor and hope it will run long enough for me to copy it to here.

      Ah, if you were from the Class of 75, you’ll know this guy who was the only student along with me from 5H who could go to Form Six – Farid. He was from your batch, and would have gotten Grade One in 75 but he failed BM. He was one of the `retained’. And there was Zahir Zainol aka Ed Semang the footballer. Another one of your batch was Suhaimi aka Mi Topui. Aidil Bakeri – I definitely remember him… he got into some serious troubles in the 1980’s.

      Actually it’s you whom I should congratulate. Despite your involvement, you had the sense to overcome it early on. In my case, it was over two period – the one in this post and the second, which was a lot worse, which came at a time when I was supposed to be `mature’. And that was after being clean for 12 years!

      Your last sentence about “from Kelantan”: I’m not – was from Bakar Bata, Alor Star. I came to work here in 1982, and didn’t return. But after the divorce last April, there’s a possibility that I might. I don’t know.

      Thanks again for coming here. Please drop by again – I’ll continue with the narrative “when things are okay” (subject to emotional state, work constraints, inclination).

  8. hi guys !!

    ,,,i have never been to prison or pusat for that matter BUT i spent time in the military service for king n cunt’reey!!..its initial training at boot camp i.e. Kem Sebatang Kara in PD, was formerly the POW Camp for the Indon. soldiers captured during KONFANTASI,,,,so you can guess how we were treated ??.
    ,,,from a civilian into soldier boy was hard core workout by/from both parties, fatalities were common, we get killed as standard training protocol then yaa !! NO KIDDING brother !…after which its kill or be killed fighting the CTs along the Thai border for most of us.
    ,,,as a chopper pilot, i faced the blunt end of most operations, coming in first, supporting the fire fight and last to leave !!
    dead bodies, dying buddies and crying wifes/children were common scenarios—our life was worth approx. $4 the cost of a bullet or death number unlucky 4 !!.
    ,,,talk about smoking, we lay in ambush for days on end, no cooking but army dog biscuits or uncooked maggi mee or nasi basi at times to prevent the stormy stomach from crying out loud within enemy’s hearing distance and we fought so close quarters that we can see each other’s white eye balls.
    Many untold stories bcos we were occupied fighting to stay alive, it was never ending, flight support, ground support and extra eyes/hands to carry away the dead or injured,,,never really disclosed via the press in-order not to frighten foreign investors away from tanah ibu-dearest !!. YES, now I can speak about it BUT I still have nightmares until today….like a BAD dream which was real !! Lost too many buddies to count, their smiling faces hunts me forever yaa !!.
    unfortunately, we don’t have special treatment for old war vet, we are left on our own to sort our life after our tour of duty !!..some find escape via drugs/alcohol…wine/women or songs !!…others like me stay away alone on an island to find peace with oneself’s and Almighty.
    What pains me most, are those that have to fight a war within oneself !
    ,,,this enemy within within !!….as such i provide a half way homeaway from home transit for those that society rejects/curse/disown by families/so called friends !!. just a helping hand, an ear to listen and a lifestyle where one has to earn an honest ringgit yaa !!
    a place to get to know oneself, trusting your body and soul plus getting the basic survival skills to face the dog eats dog world in reality.
    ,,,to be honest to ‘sendiri’ first and to made your dream come true via hard work and be responsible to taskings/instructions plus reality check in survival skills. zero blame game which is bloody hard as a humen being. its easy just to curse or to blame others but that is never the answer !! trust me…..its being consistant, be ahead of time and to wake up smiling every morning !!.
    ,,,normally i get paid in kind rather than $ and cents,,,they will work for me but as impotant is that they will rmain drug free!!

    • Capt,
      I remember your mentioning about the treatment received at the training camp written at another post some months ago. It was in response to something I had written about the severe ragging received by newcomers at the pusat.

      It was from there that I knew you’d understand what it `really was’. Yes, to outsiders and those never subjected to this, they’d see it as “cruel and sadistic”; which it actually is. But there are “other things” here like forging FLESH-deep camaraderie, discipline and protection of the unit.

      From your descriptions, the raggings at pusat don’t compare with the army training camp, definitely, for I’ve not known of anyone dying.

      But they could be rough. I know of `botak’ newbies who ran away (and risked imprisonment and rotan should they be caught) after witnessing what their immediate seniors were subjected to when transferring to their main hostels after three months.

      How would you feel when you see fierce-looking seniors with wooden clubs swinging at your seniors, and just missing by an inch? And seeing them lying down and rolling on the hot concrete at 3PM?

      Concerning the army personnel, only people like you could ever understand how it felt like to see people you know killed… and some things hushed up, in the name of national security.

      I had read a book about a Welshman who had headed the Senoi Praaq unit and would do a re-review of it soon. You might know of this man: Colin Dewsnup aka Ruslan who died on Nov 20, 2005 (I know where I was exactly on this date). Mention this name and most Malaysians would not know – including myself before I read this book. What a shame, for this was one of our unsung national heroes who had fought the communists on their turf.

      Be patient and wait for the review… Ruslan of Malaysia: The Man Behind the Domino That Didn’t fall by Roy Davis Linville Jumper.

    • You failed Add Math and was still selected to study in the US? What I know of Add Math is this: it’s very difficult. Even my elder sister, who was the number two Best Student in Alor Star, and the top Malay MCE candidate, obtained `only’ A2. Oh, her standard was A1 – anything less was considered `unsuccessful’.

  9. Dear Mat, thought I’d drop by to return your visit to my teratak but cannot think up a decent comment. Just feeling dull and dumb at the moment as the sleep deprivation accumulates over the last fortnight. The old bod seems to have gotten used to a very late bedtime as in no earlier than 2am; and then lately having to awake at 4am to prepare sahur for the old boy and kids seem to have taken it’s toll on the old box up north.

    Anyways just about able to read that heroin addiction is no play-play. Hope whoever passes this way will read your articles and take heed. Have you RT-ed this entry?

    • Would you believe that it had not even crossed my mind to tweet this. Anyway, right now I’m feeling the same too. Gonna complete writing something and then sleep.

    • Sorry for this late reply. Wasn’t on the Internet for the past day or so. Puasa so far? To be honest, it’s not as good as 2006 when I was at Gambang. Many things aren’t as good as 2006…

  10. the past is just a memory Matt,,,its the present that counts for the future yaa !!
    if i were to spend thinking of the past, nothing would change me presently-lah,,,,doing my very best on things that i can action today will show results immediately or of it in the future.
    lesson learnt from the past perhaps might be of some good but again its what am doing/actioning that would make positive change.
    its boils down again in perfoming via a process ;
    (identify/select . act . execute . operate . review )..the 5 steps for making it works for you and me.
    ,,,me am very specific in my demands from one self plus from others too !
    its like having a road map of one’s life, one’s dream to be made real.
    sorry to sound like a teacher !!..its my style in life and living.

    .nothing is free in life n living !apa orang dok kata si tok

    • If you have been using it, then at the very least I should give it a serious look. They are self-explanatory mostly, except for this one: What’s the difference between “execute” and “operate”?

  11. take “cooking and selling” as an example ?

    identify/select ….what you want to cook to sell yaa.

    act….check costing and pricing, freshness, effortability, plan timings etc

    execute….go buy/purchase items, prepare and cook but based on orders by customers….(not like standard kedai melayu, masak ready and hope for customers..BIG potential for wastage-lah…but if location is good with ready customers its o.k. lah but still risky in business sense)

    operate….serve the food and get payment back $$$$$$ !!!!

    review….audit your business, profit/loss

  12. Dear Mat and other sleepless guys/ladies !.

    ,,,Don’t want to sound like a preacher but despite all so called preaching/messaging about positivity and change, one must be realitic too !! yaa about life and living in the present time.
    ,,,Not all of our dreams will come true 100%. We have to accept some impossibilities, to respect the forces of the universe and also to learn to tolerate things that are beyond our control !!.
    ,,,I must admit that often it is relieving to declare the conceit and constraints face on !. In other words, one must stay enthusiastic plus optimistic in life n living.
    ,,,I always remind meself that am a lot better off than others and it could be worse !! yoo. YES,,,Always make comparisons with those less fortunate than me, then to accept and count my blessings !!. When I visit any hospitals, it stresses this very point.
    ,,,I capitalise on whatever little is available on the island presently, recycling most times what been washed ashore every morning !. Typical beach bum/pirate life style hahaha.
    ,,,Remembering if am not enjoying life, am wasting it. Some days may appear long but indeed life is too short for unhappiness or wastageness.

    “there is no duty we so much UNDERRATE as the duty of being happy”

    ,,, Remember to take advantage of freedom, nature and the wilderness. Guess many of us don’t realise what we are missing !! yaa until you lost your freedom !! (i.e. being in the service, as similarly in prison/pusat for that matter yaa….sama Mat Oii!!)
    ,,,It is not merely material possessions,,,its in our ATTITUDE and willingness to find/creat FUN and be fascinated in ordinary activities,,,yoo to be happy UNCONDITIONALLY. Otherwise indeed, we can be rich with tons of money but without meaning, grandeur without goal.

    Finally,,,,Lets have humility, gratitude and realism in our pocket-lah hahaha.

    ,,,,,,,,,,,,,selamat malam Mat or rather pagi ??.


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