[Stargazer] The dark side of the moon Part 3

Where is your star? Was it far…was it far!?

Look at my flesh and bone
Now look, look, look, look
Look at this tower of stone – I see a rainbow rising!
Look there on the horizon… And I’m coming home!
Coming home, I’m coming home!

RainbowRainbowRising These are parts of the lyrics to Stargazer by Rainbow from their 1976 album of “Rainbow Rising”. Yes, I know most people are wondering what this song has to do with the continuation of the previous part. And it does look like my typical digressing – and lengthening the account of whatever I’m talking about. But there’s a connection; and I only realise the significance of this song when I was doing some research “for the original Part 3” (which might now become “Part 4”).

It had happened exactly one week ago. As has been the case so often for the past few months, Sherry Nor-Jane had a ringside view to it… of knowing exactly how much I was affected by it all (I had SMS to her about the emotional turmoil that had gotten to me. Thankfully, it wasn’t long). And the reason why I’m writing this particular post is, I have to!… I had tried to ignore it – or maybe to write it `later on’. But NO, my self says, `This one first’. I had tried to write “another post” here, But it didn’t come out! So…

*Stargazer: 1. An astronomer. An astrologer. A physicist who studies astronomy. A daydreamer. Someone indifferent to the busy world. Heavy-bodied marine bottom-lurkers with eyes on flattened top of the head.

The lyrics above: They don’t leave much – or any – impact on you, most probably. And why should they indeed? In fact, they might even seem “crazy”. Plus many won’t be able to stand the `noise’ when they listen to the song. There’s an MP3 download from here at BeeMP3.com. For those who have the time and inclination to “try understand deeper”, listening to it might help. “With what?” I don’t really know…

But it’s a VERY significant song for me because of the memories associated: 1) I had first listened to it in early 1977, while waiting for the MCE results – a time when I was steadily addicted to heroin for the first time – so very confused then and didn’t know what to do.

2) The last two lines of the quoted lyrics: They came to mind when I was on a Transnasional express bus from Kuantan to Kota Bharu from 3PM onwards on Monday 19 Dec 2006 as the bus moved out from the Kuantan Terminal… Going home/Coming home, almost 17 months after that fateful day when I was detained, spent time in a dank lockup, then prison, then dank lockup again where I spent Hari Raya Puasa 2005… And then to what unexpectedly became a sacred place; called Pusat Serenti Gambang. 17 months is quite a long time for anything – Only those who had gone through that would understand; of not seeing someone you love so much – in my case, my youngest child who was 14 when I had last seen him…

And Ronnie James Dio’s melodic wailings of those lines were in my mind on that bus… And I was later to discover over the months, “other things” in the song about this “coming home” – the (sometimes) disappointments of this much-vaunted `freedom’; and of wondering where I actually belong, of where is this “home” for me really is…

But it’s not home, but it’s not home
Take me back, take me back
Back to my home

It was this – and memories of how physical addiction had felt like the first time – that had created the turmoil last week. I could feel a bit of it again, and the body even felt hot – the same heat that one suffers when in withdrawal. That’s how powerful the mind is!

“How did I ever get addicted to heroin?” In the previous post, there was mention about “leaving the flock” – of a group comprising my classmates and those who had joined our discussion group that gathered at SAHC most nights (except Fridays). Not for the first time, and nor was it to be my last, I made a wrong choice when it comes to “deciding on friends”.

From the middle of 1976, night classes were held for the benefit of private candidates who would be re-sitting for the MCE and HSC. It was my knowing one of them that was to bring about frequent usage of heroin.

There was one particular night when someone in my pack somehow decided to `tong/collect’ – polling money to buy some heroin through one of the night-class students. Previously, this was done on on special occasions; like during the school’s Talentime Night. Or during the dinner after the annual Sports Day.

[There was one for the officials and students who had helped. Us, we’d gatecrash after the teachers were gone. And fellow students didn’t dare tangle with those from Form 5H. There was beer and a punch bowl too. Although some of us did consume it, I didn’t; for this very simple reason – it is haram. However, we didn’t see drugs as such then.]

Somehow the heroin I had consumed on those occasions previously didn’t result in much effect as it had “the first time” – there was too little of it. Or, “there were too many tempek (freeloaders)” who wanted a few puffs too. No complaints, for I was one of the tempeks. As such, there was no attraction or pull the following day “to want to repeat the previous experience”.

But this particular tong/collection was to be way different. Heroin was at RM4-5 per small sachet. For someone moderately addicted, that’s quite enough to see him through the day, even if he consumes it through the `wasteful’ cigarette-spiking method. Here, a hole is punch through the centre of the cigarette – Lucky Strike was the choice. Then the heroin, which was crushed into fine powder, was sucked in.

Of course, there would be more of the stuff near the tip; which was why people would argue `for the right’ to light it (the one who had forked out more usually wins. Or the guy who went to buy it). The spiked cigarette was made moist to slow down the burning rate.

That night, five people had pooled for the heroin that was enough for two spikes. And one of them was Azmi Che Pi, who was three years older than I was. He was invited because he knew someone else who could buy it from the top pusher in Alor Star – a woman called “Leng Kang” who lived beside the Mahawangsa Hotel (just after Cathay Cinema). Incidentally, the district police station was quite close to it, and Leng Kang’s longhouse actually shared a fence with the police barracks.  

William_S_Burroughs

CAPTION: William S. Burroughs (1914-1997). American novelist, graduate of Harvard University. Former heroin addict. Click on pix for details from Answers.com

Ask anyone from SAHC during that period and he’d know “Mi Che Pi”. On quite a few occasions and for various offences (smoking in the school compound, sneaking out, not attending classes etc) he was given public caning during the assembly, and/or `live’ – during the public announcement at noon through the school’s PA system. Far from being shunned by others, those who were caned were actually looked upon with respect!

He was also a member of the school’s rugby team which was the Kedah champion – very prestigious, and players were accorded “hero status”. Mi Che Pi was going to sit for the MCE again after disastrous results in 1974 (he didn’t in `75).

Suffice to say that when `only’ six people shared that RM5 sachet, everyone was bombed. For just RM1 each…

When the effects wore off, one would feel jaded, tired… and yearned “to have that feeling again”. Yes, it will come again, of course – plus the tiredness, jaded effects and “unhappiness”. The addiction to heroin, morphine – it’s grip is so soft and subtle; and so deceiving where the user simply doesn’t realise he’s getting hooked!

My friends were not happy that I was taking it so frequently – always seeking out Mi Che Pi, who’d then ask another one of those at the night classes – Mahadi, or “Di Cina” (he looked a bit like a Chinese). If we couldn’t scrape the RM5, it’d take longer – have to find one or two others first.

My friends were concerned, for they had heard of addiction; and they knew that I was well on that road. Mokhtar Ibrahim of Batu 2, Jalan Langgar – the leader of our pack, and who was also the class monitor – had a talk with me… to advice, remind, warn and plead about what I was getting into. They were okay enough with taking heroin “on occasions”. However, my usage was no longer that.

When they saw that I had ignored their advice and pleas, they made one desperate effort. In wanting to shake me out of it, they issued an ultimatum – be friends with them OR with Mi Che Pi… either one, NOT both. And arrogant dumbass that I was, I chose the latter…

In essence, it wasn’t really me who had made that decision – the addiction did. How did it come about? Through regular consumption. With me then, it was at least once every other day.

The result would be the same thing for anyone in this wide world regardless of the nationality, race, religion, political leanings, sex, age, social status, education level or favourite colour – physical addiction.

And the misery of addiction to heroin is something that only those who have actually been in the situation would know about. I had read many accounts of it, but in ALL of them, “the descriptions are never complete” – you can’t fully describe it no matter how good your writing skills are!

Would anyone want to argue about the writing skills of author William S. Burroughs, who was a heroin addict too once? But I find even his descriptions “aren’t complete”. But he’s close enough with this one:

Junk is the ideal product… the ultimate merchandise. No sales talk necessary. The client will crawl through a sewer and beg to buy.

Exaggeration? We’ll have to ask those who are heavily addicted about the veracity of Burroughs’  claim. I forgot – I was one too, once; so that means I’m qualified to give an opinion. He’s correct. Yes, including about the sewer part, although I never had to crawl through one… and you’d actually feel the seller is doing you a favour by selling! That’s how bad physical addiction to heroin is; its power and pull.

I wasn’t in the “heavy” or even “medium” class yet. But when it comes to “addiction”, any class or level is “bad” – especially when it’s something as devious as heroin. And there I was, addicted to heroin… and the MCE examinations arrived too. It was the Day of Reckoning for “the Form 5H superstar, and school’s English Language and Literature top student; plus the `History challenger'”…

[To be continued in Part 4…]

16 thoughts on “[Stargazer] The dark side of the moon Part 3

  1. hi mat,

    i’m really impressed with your writing from the very first day you started having a blog on your own but i dare not posted any comment due to my poor english (shy). I’m also an ex-collegian who used to present college, kedah state and malaysia in tennis together with Ooi Soon Wan, Suvinder Singh ( Mr.Durbara Singh son) who were both my juniors. What I wanted to mention here is about Mi Che Pi who is my batch. I knew him well and a friend of mine too although I’m not associated with his ‘activities’. If you are looking for ganja those days, who do you look for? Mi Che Pi is the man. That is how famous Mi Che Pi is. As a person and friend, he is a nice buddy to me where he will go out of his way to help you when you ask for one. I dont know how he reacted towards others but he will do it for me. I’m not talking about getting drugs but other than that. There is another guy Hamdan from Jitra which I think you should know who is also ganja kaki in school. Please dont make public my comment coz I’m very shy with your friend bloggers who were as execellent as you in english writing.

  2. mahadzir
    Firstly, I didn’t make public your comment – WordPress did:-P
    Mahadzir, my brother – Take my word for it: DON’T WORRY, Don’t give a thought to such things… Definitely not at THIS blog. And anyway, there are many who are puzzled by what you think of yourself here.

    I had noticed your comment an hour after you had posted it. Usually, I’d take a look at the Inbox every 15 mins. But not this afternoon. Anyway, when I had read just a part of it – how my heart thumped! I was driven by the urge to leave what I was doing and immediately reply to it when I saw the school AND the sender’s name.

    It took some effort to concentrate on finishing that new post (Part 1) about another `IJN class’ heart-thumping matter… But having finished that post, I had to deal with some personal matters first before I *finally* can reply to yours.

    Oh my gosh!… YES, YES I remember your name!! Because of 1) “its spelling” and “Bin”; And 2) when it’s combined with “Ooi Soon Wan”, and tied up with “tennis”… The mind’s database churned out the memories – Collegians of around our time will always remember the sports stars, that’s a fact.

    Although tennis wasn’t exactly the game for us “assorted roughnecks, hooligans and kutu-types”, we did know and respect “the genuine aristocrats and the cultured” who *really* loved tennis AND could play very well (as compared to the snobs and the downright `perasan’ who were into it solely for the perceived `high-class’ value. The 70’s – not many parents were willing to spend a hefty RM100 for a reasonable-class tennis racquet).

    BTW another observation of mine: *Those who were good in tennis when at SAHC tend to do well. when it comes to education and careers… So, which company/ministry are you the `taikoh’ of right now? Seriously [My email is at cendana287ATgmail.com]

    Durbara Singh – I’ve not heard that name for almost 30 years! But suddenly I remember 1) His house was in between the principal’s house and the hostel, right? 2) He had a (blue?) Peugeot 3) Was later the afternoon session supervisor(?) …

    His son Suvinder – Wasn’t he skinny; unlike Durbara? And wasn’t he a school & district hockey player too (I was, in `76 – always losing to STAR Mergong. And this is one of the many schools that HATE us… out of jealousy mostly. Plus we were `sombong’, `pandang rendah’ to others thinking and feeling we were superior… Maybe we were; in many things)

    I’m trying to remember: Was your father also a teacher at SAHC? And Ooi – was he related to Mr Ooi, who was the football coach circa 1974/5?

    Your batch with Mi Che Pi – Does it also include Shukor the hurdler, Hatta Tawab, Man Bai (the `anak lord’ with the scrambler and Chinese girlfriend), Man Tokong.

    Oh, so Mi Che Pi was “only into ganja”? But I definitely know for sure that he wasn’t interested in that anymore around the end of `76 – when you consume heroin, ganja is `of not much value’.

    BTW from my LONG experience, here’s another thing to consider – *Generally*, those on ganja alone (and not too heavy) are “not too bad”. However, when one becomes addicted to heroin, his traits will gradually change *for the worse* – myself included too, of course and definitely.

    Lastly, I have to mentioned this after knowing that you had been LURKING for so long: Thank you for your compliments; but you surely “know why and how”, right? I/We are “of around the same generation, exposure and standards”.

    Anyway, I’m rather disappointed and sad that you had been silent for so long, honestly. “poor English”? Yeah, right – tell that to those under 40 here. Or was it “embarrassment and shame to see a fellow SAHC fall so low in the gutter through drugs”? I hope it isn’t; although I realise there will be many SAHC of this thinking.

    So, THANKS for writing in, and opening up these memories… and a comment by “a SAHC tennis star” too!

  3. Bro Mart.

    Please make sure that “A SAHC Tennis Star” read my pengakuan bacaria di bawah :-

    Dear A SAHC Tennis Star ,

    Frankly Speaking ; Bro Mart’s Bowling Starfruit ni pun is not very good in Englishlah… U can ask Bro Mart for further explaination…(psst…Bro mart..cerita yang indah2 sajer tau.).

    Dan mengambil kata kak Datin Mamasita…”apa malu-malu ni Sherry, belasah aje”.

    So…itulah permulaannya.

  4. Deq, I’m very happy to see you come out and mention that. And I’m 100% sure you’ll also say that “you can’t see why he thought his English is somehow “not good enough”. That’s a strange comment to make.

    BTW folks, I had said it on a few occasions, but I’ll repeat it again: At this blog (and most other places I’m sure), how good or bad your English or whatever is – IT IS NOT OF ANY IMPORTANCE

    And I’d also like to repeat that there’s absolutely no problems should anyone want to use Malay – either FULLY or mixed with English.

  5. Hi Mat Cendana,

    I may need your help. Can you please help me.

    My story starts almost exactly where you left off. It was in late 1970s. The time when The Police was about to break into the big time. Of course we could also mention Van Halen and KISS as the rock-torch bearer of that time but in following your line of argument, lets keep em British for the moment. I think it was Sting’s wailing about him being so lonely and their band cohesiveness that drew me to them. No guitar god like Gilmour nor Blackmore. They were all musicians of equal albeit Sting thinks he is more equal than the rest. The albums you mentioned ie DSOTM, Led Zep were all introduced to me at a friend which is the subject of my writing to you now. I used to listen to all the songs you mentioned every day. In fact my band even played Stargazer when we were in school.

    But, as all great stories, this one also begins with a girl.

    I was in a boarding school in late 1970s. I think we even beat your school to become Kedah champion in one of the game. Some kids sobbed openly that day when we carried the trophy.

    I was not at all into sports. But the story here starts with my infactuation with a girl in college. She was the prettiest of the lot. An angle in my eyes with a smile of the devil. She had the prettiest eyes and her voice when she laugh just make me giddy. Truly the reason for me to spring to class every morning knowing that she will be there. We were in the same class and I always look at he from the corner of my eyes. Of course she did not know that I fancied her and we left school never to strike any friendship.

    Fast forward to last week, by chance we meet, after more than 20 years. Somehow we started e-mailing. Last Friday she confessed of having a crush on me at school.

    What? She with the most mesmerising smile, the reason that kept me awake as a teenager had her eyes on ME for two years and I never knew it??

    So I mention to her my attempt to call her over 20 years ago. I was at a friends house and with my heart in my throat I dialled her home number. Somehow she sounded so cold and the call was over in 30 seconds. So, thats it for me. I thought she is in a different league and so, no chance lah and just don’t bother.

    When I reminded her about the phone call, she claimed she cant remember and how she would have jumped if she had heard my voice. She told me how she was tormented for two years when she carried her flame for me 20 over years ago.

    I just had to check with my friend whose house I called her from. I drove to my friends house on Sunday 1 Feb, 2009. This is the same guy that introduced me to the music that you mentioned in your blog. We became best friends through our love of music. We drifted apart after we got married and got into career and family life. I have not heard from this guy for maybe three years and his mobile phone has been disconnected.

    As I arrived, I saw the gate was open. He wasn’t in but the eldest sister was home. I introduced myself and she immediately remembered me and we spoke for a while at the front door. She gave me his new mobile number and we spoke about how the house has not changed, how I used to stay at the house for weeks etc etc.

    Before I left I asked her for one favour. I said “this is gonna sound weird but do you still have the two phones in your house, you know the ones that shared one line?”. She said “why?”. I said cause I would like to come in and like to see it, the one in the living and not dining room. Again she asked why? So I told her I made an important phone call to a girl on that phone over 20 years ago. She gave a hearty laugh, winked at me and she let me in. The phone line is still there but she moved the phone from the hall to her bedroom. So I just stood there and looked at the same phone line that is still hanging from the wall. Its still there! All sorts of emotions came over me when I saw the hanging line. I was at the end of this line more than 25 years ago. I stood at the same spot. I still have the photo of me that night.

    That’s when she told me the bad news.

    She has not spoken to her brother for over a year. He is now heavily into drugs. He has lost everything. No money, he is now divorced. He remarried an Indonesian girl. She used to work for him at his restaurant. His worker. The ex wife has also re married. The sister said she is lost a lot of weight and looked like a junkie. He is staying in an apartment where the family used to put their workers to stay. His two daughters are, understandably, devastated.

    It was such a shock to me. As if a freight train hit my chest.

    As I continued to listen and as my heart got heavier, all of the sudden I started crying. I mean really cry. I just shut my eyes and let the tears roll into my hanky as I covered both eyes.

    I don’t know if its because being in the house and seeing it looked the same after 25 years, seeing the phone line but the sad news about him finally broke me.

    So I left.

    I make a few phone calls Sunday afternoon. First to him. He picked up the phone but said he will call me back. I waited 7 hours but he never called.

    I remembered his sister told me that he has been close to two of our common friends, also from the same college, lately. So I called them. It seems that these two characters knew about this problem almost two years already but never told me. So I told them that they should have mentioned this to me. I mean this guy was so close to me in college. He was the one who taught me how to smoke when we were in Form 4.

    I make a few more phone calls and it was decided that my best friend in college and another common friend of ours from college (that gotten very close to him after we left college) will go and see him for ourselves. He now lives in a small town about three hours away from KL.

    I don’t know what I will discover and I don’t know whether my dear friend will ever want to rehab himself. But I hope seing his best buddies showing concern would make him realise that there are people who love him. Buddies of his still care as I believe he may think that the world had given up on him as he is now divorced, estranged from his children and not spoken to his sister for over a year now. I guess, with no family, his friends would be his last saviour?

    But I don’t know what to do as I have never dealt with a drug addict before. I heard it can be heartbreaking and quite periluous. So, can you help me if at all in six to nine hours time I manage to persuade my friend to start his recovery process?

    Finally, I now feel so numb from all these feelings. I have not been sleeping at all tonight and its now 6am. The kids will wake up to go to school soon.

    From the words of Pink Floyd…

    Through the fish eyed lense of tear stained eyes
    I can barely define the feel of this moment in time
    And far from flying high in clear blue sky
    I am spiralling down to this hole in the ground where I hide

    I need your help. Can you please help me.

  6. @o-tai
    Dear Sir,
    I was surprised to see this comment in the Inbox, just a few minutes after I had sent my last Post. My short and quick answer is: YES, of course I’ll *try*. However, I must attend to a few things right now – I will get back to this the first chance I get.

    Until then.

  7. @o-tai
    This has been on my mind since a few hours ago; from the first time I had read it. I had to do something else but I can’t get it off my mind. And especially when you will be meeting him. Actually I must be doing “something” right now, but I’ve left it for the time being – something that concerns “people” is way more important that “work”, which only involves money, important that it is.

    This is indeed a remarkable account! No, not about your friend, but about the girl/woman. I’m left dazed and in suspense by your story here. However, I’m going to ignore it for the time being since the more important thing is obviously your friend here, who is in a lot of trouble, and with more to follow if nothing is done RIGHT NOW.

    I hope I’m not sounding so pessimistic about this. Actually I’m NOT – I’m just telling you what it is as I’ve seen it happen to myself and many many others. When it comes to drug addiction – and especially when it involves heroin, morphine and opium especially, the ONLY way is down, down and down. There’s no other way that one will go… just a matter of “how fast or slow”.

    I’m really sad when I hear about his story – the divorce, children… and how he is spiraling down. Because I’ve been down that road before, and I can see it again when I read your account here. And there will be *worse* to follow if HE chooses to not do the right thing immediately.

    I’ve emphasized “HE”… the *only person* who can do something about it – not his wife, not you, not your friends, not his sister, not his daughters… HE ALONE. This is the cold, hard fact about addiction –

    “Only the individual can do something about it – *he* holds the final decision. No matter how hard others try, the addict will NEVER get better if he doesn’t really want to”.

    But support and encouragement are crucial, make no mistake about that; and this is where “OTHERS” come in. And one thing that gladdens my heart when I read this is this – about you and the other guys… You all are such good people.

    At the same time, I hope you’ll always be aware of what I had said earlier – only he can do something about it.

    And here I have to be responsible and tell you something else, for everyone’s good: “Addiction changes a person’s behaviour and attitudes drastically – for the worse”. You might have fond memories with him, but remember that he might not be the same person as you had shared those memories with.

    Another thing to be aware of: Addicts have this tendency to take advantage of people who care for them. Which is why, after some years, they tend to be all alone…

    I can guess why he was reluctant to call you – he is ashamed of having fallen this low. One thing that I’d like to mention in this FIRST meeting with him – Don’t expect too much… Never expect him to miraculously see his wrong ways and immediately reform. It only happens in the low-quality, ill-researched Malay TV dramas. But if somehow he does… well, that’s the Power of God.

    Anyway, just set this target for today: Just to let him know that you all are aware of his condition. And that you are all concerned. Don’t pressure him, else he’ll just resent you all, and all will be lost.

    Good luck, and remember that you will be on a holy mission – of saving a person’s life and dignity, and of those nearest him.

  8. Let hope he’ll come clean someday. yea I agree it’s the person himself who’s hold the key, but all you can do is struck his realization in a manner that would change his perspective toward addiction and life in general.

    I myself see many fallen guys in my rather glorious(or perhap dull depend on perspective one’s look at really)uni days back them, where different breed of tokang and pusher would stop by for leasure or business undertaking. Despite of excess supply of substance if not free at times, I how ever refuse the gracious invitations but the weed and some liquor. I can relate how sad and pathetic the lives could be for some of people who abuse and chase the dragon thing. Anyway the days are short and night are long and full of excitement really. Just like anybody I was completly lost and isolated from the world of wisdom and my ultimate quest for a scroll.I had miss so many lecture in a single month then some would do in their entire life. It doesn’t help that my course is happen to be among the tough one. I miss the tutorials, quiz, assignment and many handy mark that one could carry toward their final grade. Once in a not so blue moon, I would miss my test too. In some case I didn’t even recognise the lecturer and there’s occassion that I was indeed mistakenly handling the assigment to the wrong person wth the same name. Gosh I can recall how she glance at my assg and politely insist that she doen’t teach the subjct and later englighten me that there’s “in fact two of us in the department”. Needless to say, the smirk never cease from her fave till the very time I close the door. There’s another one that I need to submit my paper yet there’s 3 desk in those small room with 3 lecturer looking at me tentatifly while me on the otherhand try my very best to figure which one is my lecturer which’s indeed I never meet in my whole life.

    Anyways, inspike of numeroues hilarious, tense and unpeakable hurdle on even a trivial thing that a normal person won’t ever imagine exist in the first place, I graduate just like anothers soul. And indeed I never chase no dragon still, which drew upon me to the topic of the day. I think the knowledge is paramount as anecdote to serve as a barrier and barricade ’em from a dark forces. The very same thing also can liberate the fallen soul regardless of the technique if it’s fancy or not.

    Therefore you should ignite the realization and knowledge, slowly he will manage to build upon his inner strength,and everthing will take thier due course then…undertandly it not easy undertaking but God willing.

  9. Stargazer is one of the best songs written by blackmore & Ronald Padovana (Dio). It has a big impact in my life too. I’m not an addict, but I was once a pusher, not a ‘God Father’ but a delivery boy way back in 1970s. Stargazer somehow brought me to another side of the life.

    Really hope that you’ve really seen the rainbow rising.

  10. Dear Mat,

    I wouldnt have found your blog if not for the sad news i heard a few days ago. i came here when i google for hatta tawab. I was told he became an addict and now deceased. Please tell me its not true.

    He was my sweetheart in school. i have loved him so much then but of course everybody said its only puppy love. My puppy love for him took years to fade away, but my memories of him never did.

    After leaving SAHC i have lost contact with him since he was hooked to another girl. I tried to get news of his wellbeing and whereabouts but failed. I didnt do well in my HSC since my focus was no longer on my studies. He did better than me or so i thought. I thought he would be happily married with beautiful children and a glorious life. You can imagine the shock i got when Omar told me about his demise ( i am still hoping its just rumours).

    Please if you can, could you post news about him here. I need to know.

    Thnak you.

  11. @bed
    I was sick the past few days and had just seen this – You can’t imagine how shocked I am to hear about this!

    The last time I saw him was in 1982 – I’ve been in Kelantan since then. And I even remember the place – it was in front of the Teluk Wanjah Complex, at night.

    I was back in Alor Star for a short holiday. I don’t know when he became addicted for he certainly looked okay at that time. He knew that I was addicted, and we talked about it. Incidentally, I was clean at that time – the second year I was so until that disastrous relapse in 1993.

    Like you, I hope this is just a rumour. Or did Omar (can’t remember him) mistaken him for another athlete, Shukor? Oh gosh, I’m stunned by this!

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