Conversations with Ted of The Gossip Lounge

I’ve decided to do some housekeeping with my blog. Over time, the main page will be long – too long with comments.

I’ve decided to create this specific post and move all the comments related to my conversations with Ted here. BTW, it’s not exclusive to me and Ted of The Gossip Lounge alone – anyone and everyone are welcomed to comment. In fact, I’d love to hear your points too – That will fulfill one of my main reasons for starting this blog … for me to learn and also share what I know.

You might be wondering what this one in particular is all about. Okay, Ted here is someone I knew after visiting his blog – a young, opinionated guy. And intelligent and thoughtful.

After that we’ve exchanged our views here and there – at his blog too. This becomes confusing – besides making my main page very long.  So, I’ve moved (copy and delete actually) everything from there to this post:

[Start of previous conversations with Ted here. I’ll copy what I had first posted at his blog later]

FROM: Rebuilding a self & life destroyed … One day at a time

2008/08/18 at 11:25 PM

cendana287 [This is me, of course … or “mart anon” ]

NOTE to others here: You might be a bit confused with the comment by thegossiplounge above. Actually, he is replying to *my* comment made at *his* blog in the “Rindu laaa nanti!” post on 18 08 2008 here:

I’m going to paste my comment below at his blog after this, since it’s related to the above – “One good turn deserves another”.

*My* blog will be a hit?…and SOON too?
Ted, you are among the most optimistic person I’ve known! :-)
No, there’s not much here yet … not enough compelling reasons for people to come and come again; to put it in their blogroll etc.

And it’s a good thing too, for right now I’m not too prepared to receive more than a couple of `riders’ (to borrow Engku Emran’s term) daily right now. I want to do things here like what the good people of Narcotics Anonymous recommend when it comes to rehabilitation and recovery- Go it slow and steady.

You know, I have to admit that I do feel pride when I read your comments here … to have these coming from someone like you – a young, upcoming, educated and well-read guy (your level of English, and the way you meander between different topics within the same post – if you had not put in “enough mileage” when it comes to reading, you wouldn’t be able to do that … unless maybe if English is your first language at home and in your country.)

There’s usually “the generation gap”. This is one of the advantages that I had inadvertently received when I spent 16 months in prison and pusat from Aug 05 to mid-Dec 06 – I had mixed with people from 21 to 62. More importantly, I *had learnt to listen more than to speak*.

I was fortunate not to have had the “superiority complex” when mixing with those a lot younger or/and less educated from day One. Older people, or those with higher education and `better’ jobs, or lifetime experiences. They tend to belittle and underestimate others. As such, they have the inclination “to teach” but not “to learn”.

One of the inmates whom I was close to was 21 at that time. He had been in jail THREE times already! We were to spend time in prison AND pusat together. There was something in him that I admired, because it was a quality I didn’t have – his mood was always balanced, with just small swings. Mine, however, was a roller-coaster. And I told him so – of how much “I wish I could be like him”.

Many good things came from this. Firstly, from that moment, I accepted that “I could learn something from those younger and less educated”. Secondly, I became more humble and gracious; willing to praise and compliment others instead of finding faults. Thirdly, he received self-confidence from my statement; and also accepted me as a friend (despite TWICE the age difference). Fourthly, he trusted me 100% and would spill his heart out; knowing that I’ll listen and not judge. Or to reveal his secrets to others. It also made me like a counsellor – I gradually gained the ability to “really listen” to others.

Your description of your office environment: Yes, it may not be prison or pusat, but always keep in mind that “people are always the same”. That “superiority complex” I mentioned above – see whether it applies to your office.

Talking about politics – It seems to be everywhere nowadays. I used to be a “taksub” and stubborn type once. But nowadays, I prefer to avoid talking of things that have the potential of creating bad feelings – no matter how “important” some people think they are.

“RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT – and NOT which candidate, political party or football team wins”. It covers every type … with family members, neighbours, friends, superiors, colleagues, other races and religions etc.

I’m now placing TOP PRIORITY in establishing and maintaining the above than anything else. The closer and more frequent, the more important the priority is. What use is `winning’ something when it comes with deterioration in relationships?

If you are a fanatical PKR supporter (or BN, doesn’t matter); and then Anwar Ibrahim does become PM, while BN is crushed. But then many others at the office are strong BN supporters. What exactly have you `won’? The pleasure of seeing your horse coming tops? Okay, but what about the bad feelings with those BN supporters at the office – people whom you see and interact with 8 hours a day, 5-6 times a week?

On the other hand, if relationships are good, it doesn’t really matter who wins. Even if PKR loses, you’ll still be happy and cheerful enough during those working hours. So in reality, you don’t lose anything.

2008/08/19 at 2:06 AM


dear sir..
thanx for ur kind words.. its nice to finally exchange ideas and view on certain things that seems unimportant to some people.. the thing is, God is good.
i once, depended so much on my friends that when He graciously took them away, although we’re still in touch and are still friends, it doesnt seem the same anymore and i had to learn so many things on my own…
so how the hell to overcome these obstacles? jumping right back on the horse doesn’t seem to work for me…for every pleasant experience there are more bad ones…not to mention the damn flip flops my stomach does…i actually start to feel panic…ridiculous isn’t it? or is it? little children stick their hands on the burner, burn their hands and learn not to touch the burner…is it so different? and yet, i want to overcome them…I feel like an idiot most of the time…it seems absolutely ridiculous to me that I can’t just shrug off the bullshit anymore…
it’s been a long journey and today, i’m not self-conscious and don’t care what people say about me much. i initiate conversations and find it very thrilling to compliment people. and my compliments are genuine, not flattering, because naturally, i’m not profuse with compliments although i thrive on receiving compliments, but when it came from you, dunno lah, rasa macam malu because.. no one said things as u said to me.. flattered la! haha. and the thing is, i had never thought of the concept of impact on what i write to some ppl.. yeah some bloggers do leave comments on my postings but i never really felt anything good about it as clearly some of em were just reading in a glimpse.. they had no idea on the purpose of some postings.. some of it were serious issues and to be frank, none of em really give any of their views about it..
is it me or the bloggers i know were only keen to talk about chicks, holidays and foods?
hmmm back and forth, im glad we met (”,)
P/S – i wish not to touch on you personal issues sebab i takut salah cakap… its damaging enough because u experience it urself, u wouldnt want to talk about it anymore, (or maybe you would based on ur postings), but maybe we should focus on the real things in life should we…
really! i really want to know how many people don’t take things personal. It seems that personal is what this whole world is going toward, so why do we tell and get told to not take it so personal when someone insults you, negates you, ignores you, mistreats you, cheers for you, hugs you, and on and on and on?
i do realize that we are getting personalized everything… personal pizza, personalized web pages, etc… if the world is becoming more personal, how do we not take issues, situations, communications as persona kan? hmmmm.. i dah merepek2 pulakk ..
jadi bengong metar haha (”,)… the thing is, i want u to know that, i know ur a good person at its best and whatever happened to u, for me, doesnt picture u as a whole. its just a piece and a piece can be thrown away and replaces with better half..
have a great day today! (”,)


9 thoughts on “Conversations with Ted of The Gossip Lounge

  1. WOW! You’re very high-tech!… posting while on the road. What are you using? Laptop and Celcom Broadband?

    BTW, if you had used the other road to Penang: Pasir Mas-Tanah Merah-Jeli, you would pass my house.

    I’ve just been to your blog and had made two posts.

  2. Yay! I made home (home la sangat).. Yeah i’m using Celcom Broadband.. Oh tadi i used the Ketereh-Machang-Tanah Merah-Gerik roads (betol kot susunan).
    Just had my shower and now I have to mark few exam papers, terlupa la nak buat ,was looking forward for the holidays (“,).
    I am now just relaxing in front of the telly, very tired but happy, and I don’t plan to move much tonight. Hope you had a good rest today (“,)

  3. hi abg mat,

    i’m in miri rite now. until 27th. kerja sambil jalan2. been to Niah and BSB[Bandar Sri Begawan]. So tiring but its a whole new experience tho..

    btw. selamat berpuasa..


  4. I tried useing the computer to prepare the lesson instead of writing by hand but that seems too much work!. I try to use the powerpoint to design the lesson, using materials on internet, as well as for my teaching process; only because currently, I’m doing my practical training.
    Sometimes I felt like, I should’ve taught primary kids.. I absolutely love kids. I mean, I guess you kind of have to in order to be a teacher. But I am in no way shape or form the “nurturing” kind of teacher. Maybe because I’m still so new in this.

    I just don’t have much patience for the younger students who haven’t learned all of the classroom management routines, still need a lot of babysitting, and are very needy.

  5. That’s what ALWAYS wanted to do, a writer.. But my parents wanted me to work in a government ghsector.. So I guess being obedient doesn’t mean any harm too. I can still write, that is why I spent so much time in front of my laptop.
    Internet is a must for me.

    “Some things belong on paper, others in life. It’s a blessed fool who can’t tell the difference.”

    Since I’m not a writer, nor a well-known blogger, nor anything that has to do with sharing general information writing, I’ve decided that the blog will be a very basic what I am doing list that i will God willing update weekly, because mostly, i want to remember what are the things I am doing each week.
    What does being a writer mean to me?

    Being a writer is not about having an abundance of too-big-to-use words found in a dictionary.

    Being a writer is not about knowing where to put a comma or a hyphen.

    Being a writer is not about properly formatting what you’ve written to fit somebody else’s standards.

    Being a writer is not about being published.

    Being a writer is not about fame or fortune.

    Being a writer is not about being able to lace together a few choice words with elegant style.

    Being a writer is more than being able to write two poems and half a romance novel.

    Being a writer is more than having raw talent.

    Being a writer is dedication first and foremost to the best sense of self one can find. How does one find that distant sense of self?

    By writing their way directly into the core of the ugliest, most difficult to face parts of themselves; turning it inside out, wiping it off with a sponge, hanging it out to dry in a cool spring breeze, refreshing it with a coat of creativity, then wearing it again with pride.

    Being a writer is about soul-diving, finding vacant lots and filling them up; finding wounds and discovering ways to heal them. Writing is about free falling into the all that is within you…… with your eyes open, knowing that there’s nothing to hold on to but yourself and your dreams.

    Being a writer is not an occupation, it’s a way of life.

  6. Thanks for the tips.. Yup payah jugak kalau nak bayar ansuran2 ni kan?
    I am finally taking the plunge into making a business for myself in doing something that I love and am truly passionate about. I have the skills I just need to get my name out there a bit more and I think that the future could look quite bright for me (“,)

    I am really looking into doing more of my creative, conceptual work. It’s something that I absolutely love doing but with client work… I never quite have the chance to put it together. Hopefully this week I will have time to do such things.

  7. “That’s what ALWAYS wanted to do, a writer.. But my parents wanted me to work in a government ghsector.. So I guess being obedient doesn’t mean any harm too.

    Based on these sentences (plus other parent-related ones that I had read at your blog), I must say this: You have your head on your shoulders, Ted. And I’m happy to say it. Because, it’ll help prevent a lot of heartaches and headaches in the future.

    When it comes to parents – yours included – it’s not really a question of whether they are “right or wrong”. In this instance, about their wish and desire that you work with the government sector.

    There’s this thing about parents: They have our best interests at heart. No one else does. Or at least, not as deep and sincere as them.

    That’s why it’s not too important – this “whether they are right or wrong”. Heck, many people can disagree with what your parents had said/want from you (work with the government); and they can even show you “solid proof” of how “your parents are wrong”.

    But I know what they (your parents) are thinking/feeling because I’m a parent too (despite my failure to be a good one; which I intend to put right, Insyaallah).

    They want “security” for you; and you’ll get that by working with the government. And the pay isn’t that bad anymore, like what it was during my time ( that was one of the reasons why I left after 11 years and went to work with a KLSE-listed company).

    Actually, I’m not too concerned with “whether it’s better to work with the government” or whatever here – it’s listening to your parentsmemuliakan ibu-bapa. I’m happy because, that’s what you’re doing right now.

    God, how much wrong I had done to my parents!… my previous attitude of “degil and keras kepala”, rudeness … and these were when I WAS NOT addicted to drugs! So you can imagine what it was when I was using drugs.

    But I now know and realise this one VERY IMPORTANT thing: Go against your parents, hurt their feelings, and Allah will crush you! This is something that is SURE TO COME. And we don’t have to wait for “Akhirat” (the Afterlife) – He will deliver some of this right here and now. I had tasted some of it before…

    (To be continued. Have to shutdown now – there’s lightning and thunder coming on)

  8. I told you! (“,)

    You will be having more than thousands of people visiting very, very soon. Just look at your stats. That also means that people do have faith in you.
    Yes, you need faith. Everybody needs it. But in any circumstance, you just don’t need faith alone. You have to couple it with your own determination to achieve maximum protection and security. That is why there is such thing as life vest, shin guards, head gears, and life insurance. That’s because you have faith in them, to protect you, wherever you go, and whatever you do.

    If you have some serious and risky job, then perhaps you should backtrack a little and mull over things seriously. Yes, this may be absurd, but we never know what would happen in the future – we don’t know the dangers we still have yet to face. Well, in this case, there is always faith – insurance for your whole life. At least, your worries aren’t big enough now, if you avail this easy and convenient term life insurance . Also, the site also provides life insurance quotes in any case, you might need them, for more information.

    Yes, you need not to rely on faith alone. Sometimes you have to row the boat to keep it moving, but at least you are less worried now, because deep inside you know, that through faith, it will cover for you as long as you row and row, as long as you live.

    Good luck!

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