5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

December 15, 2009

Now this is something that you’d normally associate with addicts. However, by no means is this adjective confined to the heroin user; who, desperate for money to obtain the substance and rid the torment of withdrawal pangs, would attempt to manipulate (verb) you. Manipulativeness (noun) is a trait that you’ll find in people who contradict the external image that they seem to project. I’ve been on the receiving end of people wearing kupiah

This is something I’ve just read and thought I should share it here. First on the list in spotting a manipulative person is:

  1. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want.  The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something.  Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.

Thinking back, that’s exactly what this kupiah-wearing snake did. I should have been more wary and suspicious of people instead of being so trusting; and had I known about these characteristics, I surely would have. This unpleasant encounter seemed to confirm my earlier concerns about stepping out of the shadows and rejoining society.

But when I think of those who had been great with me – people whom I would never have known had I remained in the shadows – things were back in the proper perspective. This is something that I/we have to risk in our relationships with others. Here are the other four characteristics: 5 Behaviors of Manipulative People – Manage Your Life on Shine 

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8 Responses to “5 Behaviors of Manipulative People”

  1. chulalongkorn Says:

    mat, i take you as my reference,..i’m trying to cut forever..wish me luck bro..

    • Mat Cendana Says:

      That’s a big honour – and burden. But it goes both ways, for I use others as my point of reference too, including from you too as a source of strength. I had written another post – TWO in a day is something that I’ve never done before.

      Anyway, don’t put pressure on yourself and stare at a long and deep abyss with “forever”, although I know what you mean. Just “One day at a time” is good enough. Good luck.

  2. mike Says:

    Thanks for the post.
    I know when I first got sober I was so willing and open to take and trust what people said and did that I did everything possible. Did I get used or manipulated in some way? Yeah, thankfully a very large percentage of the people were there to offer good sound advice and never ask for any favors. Well, just one…for me to be honest with myself and those around me.

    • Mat Cendana Says:

      Mike, Thanks for the feedback. Apparently it confirms what we all go through when we are open and try to be honest in everything. But it’s also true that most people don’t take advantage – now this is more important and overrides the few who do. However, I have to admit that it left a bitter taste when taken advantage of or backstabbed by someone whom you had thought “must be at least as honest as you are – probably even more so since he’s not/never been an addict”.

      I feel we should never compromise on being honest, regardless of the bitter experiences. It’s a situation where it’s because of the other person’s weaknesses, not ours. But maybe we should be less open in some situations and with some people to protect ourselves. Not saying something is different from “not being honest”. Anyway, I remember and try my best to adhere to the Narcotics Anonymous advice for those rejoining society – the HOW of Honesty, Open-Mindedness, Willingness basic principles that will lead to a solid foundation. It’s three years since I’ve been back from the institution, and Yes, they work:-)

  3. Ija Says:

    Bro Mat- my philospy is very very easy…. Never ever hope for people to praise or return your favour when you’re asked for one.. Just do it willingly and redha because i believe Allah will always return our good deed through other people or other medium…

  4. Ted Baker Says:

    I’m back! haha. remember me?

    • Mat Cendana Says:

      Would have suffered massive memory loss if I don’t remember you:-) Where have you been? You had been changing blog addresses, and I had RSS a couple. And they didn’t seem to be valid anymore after a few months.

  5. Jackson Says:

    Very good article. Looking forward to seeing you write much more about this subject.


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